Thursday, December 22, 2011

Just Call Me Ebenezer...

This is going to be a full on rant...If you are a fan of Christmas, and the horrible music that accompanies it, you might want to stop reading now. Also, I wrote this on my iphone...spelling might be an issue.


Ahhh, I feel better now. Sorry but that outburst was completely necessary. Every year around Thanksgiving they all start the heavy rotation of the same Christmas carols I have heard since I was a child. It makes me want to go to the nearest radio station studio and throw a jingle bell rock through the booth window,drag the DJ out, and run over his grandma with a reindeer.

I was sick of Michael Jackson screaming about Santa Claus coming to town in 1981. That song is not like a fine wine. It does not get any better with age. Despite being a Bruce Springsteen fan, he did not do any better. Dont even get me started with Biebers take on it. These were the thoughts running through my head as I sat in traffic on 95 yesterday.

I kept hitting the seek button desperately hoping one radio station had a program director who felt the same way I did. Twenty minutes of hitting the button had me seething with something that bordered on rage. I admitted defeat when the station landed on Mariah Carey screeching out some terrible Christmas torture. If I were Nick Cannon I do believe I would partake in the Cobain solution.

Every year some recording artist decides to make his/her mark with a Christmas album. They always hype the album as some original twist on an old favorite. It's the same damn song as last years artist recording his/her "original" twist. Re-packaging "White Christmas" every year since the damn song was written does not make it any better. That's right...I AM a mean one Mr. Grinch. I would much rather take a Holiday In Cambodia.

"How can you hate Christmas?" has been asked of me more than once. My unapologetic answer is "it's pretty easy". Spend 5 minutes watching the idiots trample/pepper spray one another so their precious child can spend the rest of the year playing the latest Grand Theft Auto. Spend twenty miles, and several hours, in traffic on an interstate listening to the same five Christmas carols recorded by different artists on every single station. Buy an 800 dollar plane ticket that costs 250 on any other day.

"Well it's all about family"

Another favorite line uttered by Christmas lovers everywhere. I love my family. I love my girlfriends family. I love spending time with both. What makes December 25th the end all and be all of family days??

"Well it's for the children"

Don't even get me started on that one.

"It's a celebration of the birth of the son of God"

Really?? I stopped believing that when I was 11 and asked a Sunday school teacher how it was possible that a woman could give birth without having sex. Im pretty sure IVF was not an option back then. Not to mention all the other aspects of that story that defy science.

Christmas, and all the trappings of, makes me want to hibernate like a bear. On any other day of the year if you find a fat dude crawling out of your chimney, said fat dude would be getting a load of buckshot and an ambulance ride. Apparently breaking and entering is OK on December 25th. Tell me I am wrong!

The spirit of giving, family time, and general niceness should be everyday, not just amplified to sickening dimensions on 25 December. I am the anti-Christmas...Scrooge incarnate. Send the spirits of Christmas past, present, and future...I will take them all!

My past has zero regret, my present is more incredible than I can possibly imagine, and my future is completely unwritten...but it looks like it's shaping up to be pretty awesome. Merry effin Christmas everyone...

Monday, December 12, 2011

Lowes Drops the Ball...

My views on Islam are complicated, and conflicted. That is a painfully honest admission. My views on religious freedom and everyone’s inherent right to worship as they choose are not. Our country came to be because a group of people were fleeing religious persecution in their own country. Religious freedom is so important that it is covered in two amendments the 1st and the 14th. The 1st guarantees the free exercise of religion. The 14th prohibits discrimination and guarantees equal protection of the laws for every person, including on the basis of religious beliefs. The founding fathers thought that was pretty important.

Lowes, a big box hardware/materials store, portrays itself as an All-American store. Their advertising is big on red, white, and blue and patriotism (at least during the patriotic holidays). It is a great store with a huge selection. If you can’t find it at Lowes it probably doesn’t exist. OK that may be a bit of an exaggeration but I think I made my point. Indeed, the chain of stores is a monument to capitalism and the principles of American ingenuity. So I was astounded to read that they decided to pull their advertising for a TV show that depicts hard working American families on the Learning Channel. You would think any corporation would be chomping at the bit to put their name to a show that depicts the societal norm for families. A mother, a father, and children all living under one roof in a "traditional" family atmosphere on TV is a rarity. Likewise, you would think the "family values" folks would be singing the praises of an actual family doing family things on TV. Especially in an age that portrays "reality" as drunks living in a beach house, children objectified in pageants,and Kardashians being Kardashians.

Apparently "family values" actually means "family values as long as you don’t call God Allah". Or, in other words, religious freedom is cool as long as you are not Muslim. It saddens me to see that in this day and age a hate group disguised as a quasi religious/political organization can influence a company like Lowes. It is truly reminiscent of the days when the Klan controlled municipalities with their message of hate disguised as Christianity.

The Florida Family Association is a "Christian" organization whose main purpose is to bash homosexuality. Apparently they think being gay is a sin. They also think being Muslim is a sin. David Caton, their executive director, is a self admitted porn addict who was "cured" by praying. He spends all his time perusing TV shows to make sure they are wholesome. When he finds something he deems not wholesome he gets his followers to bug advertisers to pull advertising on these unwholesome networks. The funny thing is Islam also forbids homosexuality, and porn. Hate is hate, and the Florida Family Association is without a doubt a hate group of the highest order. For Lowes to comply with their message of hate speaks volumes of the people that run that company.

We are ALL endowed by our creator with certain unalienable rights...among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I did not see any footnotes listing exceptions in that part of the Declaration of Independence! If happiness is two dudes cuddled up on a couch in a home they share, then who are they to decide that that is wrong? If happiness is spending time with your family reading the Q'uran, and attending services at the Mosque, then who are they to decide that is wrong? Who is ANYONE to decide that is wrong? It really is not even a question of tolerance, but common sense. Our forefathers set forth the principles that this country was founded on. People have fought, and died defending those principles. They should be defended across the board without exception. Shame on Lowes for bowing to hate, and bigotry. I wont be spending any of my money with Lowes anymore, and I encourage everyone to do the same.